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My life.. What can I really say about my life?

Have been through several ups and downs for the past few months of my life. Got happily married 3 years back and I got divorced 3 years later. It's actually very sad to know that the man I once loved, betrayed me and actually stoop to such lowly acts to try to bring me down.

These 2 weeks was hell for me. I left my job due to certain issues but amazingly, I found a new job within such a short time. But.. Things started to change. Dear, started ignoring me. No warning, no explanation given, nothing. He literally went silent. I almost went crazy. I didn't know what happened. I asked, but he didn't really told me. I was at my wits end. I asked myself, "what happened? Did I do something wrong? Why did he have to treat me like as though I was invisible?" At that time, I almost wanted to give up on our relationship as I felt it was really pointless and meaningless for me to carry on waiting for nothing.

I spent a whole day pouring out my thoughts to sis cat. And I cried. Felt really embarrassed as this was the first time we were sharing a conversation. She was the one who encouraged me to held on, even until now. The reason why I felt like giving up was because firstly, he didn't wanted to share his problems and troubles with me. I mean, its ok if he doesn't wants to tell me his problems but at least let me know that he is currently facing problems and maybe he would need to have some time to settle everything. I could've understand his predicament and leave him alone. Secondly, the way he treated me made me felt as though he didn't loved me anymore. What everyone really needs from a relationship is very simple. ASSURANCE. As long as he assures he loves me and his assurance is proof enough, I can leave him alone and won't disturb him. I can wait for him, I can give him time.

But he chose to ignore me in a sense that I don't even know whether are we still together and whether does he still loves me. Imagine sending a whole chunk of messages but he doesn't even wants to reply. How do I really feel? Nobody knows. I felt like a living zombie every single day. I have no mood for everything, I couldn't even eat nor sleep. I wasn't happy at all. But truthfully speaking, who knows? This love was seriously taking a major toll on me. I really really wanted to give up on him, I was so damn tired of all these one-sided love.

But till now, I choose to hold on. Maybe I'm stupid, maybe I'm dumb. But I really love him. I really can't bear to give up on this relationship which I forked out so much for. Yes I know I'm a third party. If given a choice, would I want to be a third party? Of course not. It's tiring, especially when such a thing happens. I used to be able to see my future together with him, but now it seems so blurry that I don't even know whether will we have a future.

I cannot compare myself with his kids. I'm a mother myself and I understand how he feels. I understand his love and misses for his kids. It breaks my heart to see him feeling so torn apart. I don't wish to be selfish, but I cannot let go. But I don't wish to see him feeling so miserable.

Till now, we still remains as status quo. Boyfriend girlfriend? Friends? Good friends? I'm confused. We have not seen each other for almost 2 weeks. What happened to us. How did things turned to such a state. I really don't know if we're able to go back to how we used to be. I tried my best to move forward to him, but he kept pushing me away. It hurts, seriously. I feel like a stranger to him now, but why do I still love him so much. I really don't know. I gave my best into this relationship, but in the end, it turned out to be like this. Hahahaha I find myself a joke. Really....

So I mentioned I found a new job. But problems came on the first day of work. This boss of mine was...... Could I label him as a pervert? I don't think any bosses would have the time to keep on finding topic to talk to his staff unless he has a thing for her. I'm not trying to say anything but that was how I feel. The atmosphere was so uncomfortable that I really didn't know of what to do. I was like a bird trapped in a cage. People around used weird eyes to look at me just because my boss kept coming into the office to talk to me. My mentor asked, "you know boss ah? why he keep talking to you de." It was just the first day, but people in the office have already started whispering behind my back. It was mentally and physically stress.

Talked to dear about this and he asked me to quit. Surprisingly, he still cared for me. Which is a good thing afterall :)

To my ex husband, you are the biggest fool I've ever seen on Earth. You think by sending me a lawyer letter stating that you wanna file a lawsuit against me would kill me? Hahaha sorry to say but I guess you've overestimated your capability. If you really wanna fight with me, bring it on. But please don't regret at the outcome. Don't forget, I have many evidences against you. Your love letter, your conversations, your pictures etc.. You posted a picture with your girlfriend BEFORE we even signed the deed of separation. I screenshot it down, captured with the date you posted. You thought by deactivating the account, nobody would know of this but I still have it with me. I could have easily filed adultery against you, but why did I choose to keep quiet and accept it? Because during that time, I still loved you. I was still hoping that you would come back to us. But after all the shitty things you did, I have already given up on you. I don't love you, neither do I hate you. But the sight of you irks me to death.

You want to make my life difficult, go ahead. I won't be afraid of you anymore. Want to fight? I'll see you at court on Monday.

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